I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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