is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
