We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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