you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
