apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
