Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
