And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
