Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
