i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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