the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize