can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
