Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
