Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
