I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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