pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
