As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you never un-have a 4some
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
