you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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