I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's always time for handjobs
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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