tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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