Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
