Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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