I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
