The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
