My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
