overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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