but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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