Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
