If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
