You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
