You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
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Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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