If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
