i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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