I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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