You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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