one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
