dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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