oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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