unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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