I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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