Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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