So drunk its hurt
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just want nice things and good sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
