found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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