I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
