i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
