remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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