I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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