I think I died a long time ago.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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