the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
