Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize