she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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