You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
