called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
