your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
