i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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