ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
