dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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