I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
