Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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