Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
