drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
