ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
