grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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