Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
