This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
