Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
