So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
