Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Two words: blizzard sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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