you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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