ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
