if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
