And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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