And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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